I found out last night that my cousin's wife is expecting- only I found out via pics on my aunt's facebook page. The rest of the family found out months ago.
This is just another example of why I never have felt completely like part of the family. I have always had a sense of detachment. Could it be a result of my parent's divorce when I was just a baby, and how my mom got the shaft in it and could not shake the anger as a result until I was probably 20 years old? Maybe. Who knows. But it sucks.
I moved away from the bmore area to go to college- it's only an hour away- but I have not moved back really. Our first house was close to my dad but did I see him, or anyone? Not really. Missing our friends and human contact in general, we sold that place and moved back to our friends. I'm an only child, so I'm used to creating my own world. SO maybe I did this to myself?
Who knows.
I just know that it really hurt finding this out online, MONTHS after the family did. I don't feel any blame going out from me, it's more that I feel like hot damn, I'm sick of feeling jilted in one way or another from my family. I tried moving close to them- and it didn't make a hill of beans of a difference. I wish I could drop the feeling of both wanting to belong and not belonging. I'm all on the permimeter.
Should have just stayed in Maine when I moved there.
OK. Rant over.
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2 comments:
I'm sorry to hear about this. It sounds like a bad situation that has arisen out of nothing that was your fault. Just remember that your friends still love you! Hope all is well with you, Guru!
Holy smokes! I didn't think anyone actually read this blog LOL :) I've another more active one- pandoras365.blogspot.com I'll have to go check yours out. :) Hope all is well with you, too, Guru Jr.!
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