Yay, Friday.

TGIF.
I just ordered a bunch of photos of my tattoos and artwork. This is mainly because I want to put them together to present to places to hopefully get hired on.

I was asked sarcastically last night by a friend's husband if I could actually draw. As in, could I actually pick up a pencil and draw something original. He was drinking, they both were, it was a phone conversation. We're going to spend the weekend with these guys (they are a couple of hours away), and once he said that, and repeated it even, I did not want to go any longer. I'm not in the mood to deal with this kind of attitude. This funk I've been in has heavily affected my creative drive. See, I really do like taking a design someone picks out and replicating it on their skin. I know that people want custom work. I'm so new at tattooing, that I am VERY happy to take already existing designs and ink them up. Call me a flash monkey if you will, I don't care. I have tried a few custom designs and thus far all I experience is complete aggravation. And not at the process, but at the people. People are Fickle and flaky. But where was I? Oh yes this funk. So, Mike has a few things he wants inked and I just have to draw (and probably re-draw a few times to tweak it to his exact desires) these things up. As my depression has worsened, the heavier and heavier my pencils seem to get. I just have no drive to do it. No passion. No desire to screw around with the aggravation.

Last week I said Yes to drawing up a custom dragon for a friend's fiance who was in town only for a week. We discussed what he wanted in great detail for a good half hour or so. I had a VERY busy week, worked 6 days and had a tattoo appt one night after work. Still I drew it up, exactly what he wanted. His reply was that no, it was not at all what he said he wanted (I call bullshit) and so he told me again what he wanted (of course this time all different), I draw it up again and nope, not it. On top of all this, the size he wanted goes from about 5 inches to about 2. I REFUSE to do some stupid tiny tattoo on some big muscular guy. NO Freaking way. It will look so incredibly stupid. But anyway yeah. Amongst all this he thru an insult in, critizing my first design.

So, yeah. That sucked. Anyway, this funk/depression I'm caught in, I've been to my Dr this week to address it. So, sooner than later it will/should be less and less of an issue, and my pencils will become lighter and lighter. Meanwhile though, I do not see any justification for spending my days off dealing with someone who is going to give me shit for something I am and have LONG BEEN now, beating myself up over and trying hard to change. He is NOT any person to whom I feel like explaining my depression.

Well this has been cathartic.