thoughts

I'm in a bit of a funk. For starters I am 99% certain I have PPMD. So that doesn't help. But I've not had many tattoo appts in the past week and that's depressing. That leads to these stupid spiral thoughts of how I'll never improve and I'll never be able to follow my bliss as full time employment.

I went against the (tattoo world's) socially accepted norm by going for formal training. That lowers my odds of working for a shop. But you are thinking 'hey Geri you didn't want to work for a shop, you want to do it your way, right?' Well you're right. Although I am finding myself wishing there was a cool person without a big fucking ego who tattoos full time who would be able to see my dedication and love of tattooing and would teach me the nuances of tattooing. But that is NOT to be found in this town, my friend. All of the shops in this town SUCK* except for American tattoo and they are so hurting for business that I can't fathom why they'd want to spend time on me, and even if they agreed to it, if their books are so empty, when would they be able to?

I wish I had a friend who was as in love with tattooing as I am who I could spend time with making our way forward together. Trying things out, like technique, machine tuning, art... But there's not.

I am getting to think lately that we'll have to relocate for me to really further learn this craft. We've long ago outgrown this tiny house, and to make matters worse the sound wall that was supposed to be built in 2011 which would allow us to sell this house easier, well, that's in limbo and probably will never happen. Which means we will more than likely loose tens of thousands in equity and get back to where we started. Which gives us less leverage for relocation. Less leverage though does not mean make it impossible.

So anyway, my thoughts are all over the place. I'm fighting feelings of doubt and depression. And you know what doesn't help? The 2 tattoos I have that I can see all the time have been depressing me so much. This phoenix is still healing and the ink loss is colossal. I'm getting it fixed May 9th but my god that's a light year away. The Pat Fish variation is all my fault for deciding to go with a variation that I promised myself I would not go with. That's just me being retarded. But HEY, both of these are extreme learning experiences. These are things I can pass on to my clients. I just keep reminding myself of this. At this point it's all I can do.

Well thanks for listening. I hate being in these ruts.

*SUCK- let me explain. Time Bomb is run by a male chauvinist, and the place has irregular hours. I won't even go near there. Classic Electric has talented artists, but the OVERWHELMING EGO that oozes freely from every pore of that place makes me throw up. That and the 'music' they play there- Loud. Always.- makes me want to shoot myself. Snakeman is the biggest slime ball in this county, and he owns 2 shops, the nicer of which is on Market Street- Gus's- but most of the work I have seen come out of there is sub par. But the artists there are very nice people. Or at least work that I don't want to learn from. Alfie is awesome but he is a one man shop and has no interest in having a lackey around- no matter who it is. I've already asked. Skin Deep In Ink is a crowded little place. I have seen great work come out of there but I have heard conflicting reports.

There is a shop- in Portland Maine- that is right up my alley. I am strongly considering going there for some ink by a particular woman on our way home from our June trip. With any luck, and some magic work, we'll connect and that'd be a fine reason to relocate somewhere Mike and I have long, strongly considered moving to.